The Quiet Grief of Everyday Life – And Why It Matters

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

When we hear the word grief, our minds often leap to bereavement – the heart-wrenching loss of a loved one through death.  But grief is so much broader than that.  It’s a deeply human response to any significant loss, and in a world shaped by uncertainty, we’re navigating more types of grief than ever before.

What Can We Grieve? 
It might surprise you to learn that grief can stem from changes that don’t involve death at all. 

• The loss of friendships or community
• A shift in identity or purpose
• Career changes or retirement
• Life transitions like menopause, aging, or illness
• Dreams we quietly let go of

These are known as non-death losses – and according to Dr Darcy Harris,  (Professor of Thanatology, King's University College, Canada), in her book Non-Death Loss: Context and Clinical Implications, people can experience genuine grief over tangible or intangible losses.  Tangible losses have a physical, visible, or more material quality in nature. These may include the loss of a job, the loss of a home, or a loss of physical functioning, perhaps after an accident or brain injury.  Intangible losses are more psychological, symbolic, or abstract, such as a loss of identity after a divorce, retirement or perhaps a loss of trust in the world, a broken dream or hopes for the future, as many of us felt during and post covid.  The invisibility of these losses make the feelings and deeply personal experience of this type of loss very difficult to express and we often suppress and ignore these as a result.  Harris outlines how our materialistic society leans toward minimising or ignoring experiences that do not have a physical nature.

So grief isn’t always loud.  Sometimes it’s the quiet ache of no longer feeling at home in your own body as many of my peers and I are experiencing through menopause, or the silent sadness when a friendship drifts and you lose sight of someone who once was an integral part of your life.  It’s the heartbreak of losing something you never thought you’d have to grieve.
"Just because someone didn’t die, doesn’t mean we didn’t lose something important."

The Hidden Grief of Modern Life
In today’s fast-moving and often disconnected world, loss is all around us. Think:

• The loss of routine during and post-covid 
• Changing values and fractured communities exacerbated by a move to online - well everything!
• Social isolation and digital disconnection - including the overuse and abuse of AI

These forms of loss often go unacknowledged, but the impact is real. Reactions can include denial, irritability, emotional numbness, or difficulty concentrating – all classic signs of grief (Choosing Therapy).
For many of us – especially those working in social care or community roles – it's essential to recognise these hidden griefs, both in ourselves and in the people we support.

Restorative Practice & Compassionate Connection
As a restorative practitioner, I see every day how grief and loss shape human behaviour. Restorative approaches are rooted in empathy, active listening, and connection – creating safe, inclusive spaces where people feel heard and valued.
Restorative practice doesn’t offer easy fixes. Instead, it offers the courageous presence needed to sit with someone in their pain, validate their story, and gently walk beside them as they explore what healing looks like.
Learn more about restorative justice and its principles at the National Centre on Restorative Justice.

Grief, Loneliness and the Social Work Lens
Grief and loneliness often travel together. People experiencing non-death losses frequently report feeling misunderstood, invisible, or “silly” for feeling so deeply about something others might dismiss.
For social workers and social care professionals, this understanding is vital. Unrecognised grief can manifest as low mood, withdrawal, aggression, or anxiety – particularly in adults experiencing chronic loneliness or social disconnection.
I explored this with the Northern Ireland Social Care Council in 2025 and you can learn more about it in the resources released in June 2025.  

• Loneliness: A Resource for Social Workers (NISCC)
• Loneliness: A Resource for Social Care Workers (NISCC)

These guides help frame loneliness not as a personal failure, but as a public health and social justice issue – one where meaningful connection, trauma-informed practice, and community empowerment can truly transform lives.

Why This Matters
By broadening our understanding of grief, we open the door to deeper compassion – not just for others, but for ourselves.
Whether it’s:

• Ambiguous loss – where there’s no closure, like in estrangement or missing persons
• Disenfranchised grief – where your grief isn’t socially recognised, such as after job loss, miscarriage, or divorce

each loss deserves space and support.

Supporting people through grief isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about showing up, listening, and staying present. And in doing so, we help build more resilient, connected, and compassionate communities.

LJ Sayers is a restorative practitioner, trainer and consultant based in Northern Ireland. She is a wife to JP (her rock), a mum to J (her reason and purpose), a Covid Redundant Hugger, Storyteller and Chief Quality Controller of all chocolate in her household.

Want to learn more about working with loss, loneliness, and connection? Check out LJ's training programmes or get in touch by email.

Email Linda